The weird and wonderful world of Stan Twitter
80,000 people screaming and crying after their faves take centre stage. All wearing the colours of their faves. In the stands screaming anytime their favourite member looks in their direction. Chanting their fave member’s name, wearing their fave member’s merch.
No, I did not just describe a BTS concert. But the world cup final.
Why are football fans, who spend their time sending racist death threats to players celebrated and Twitter stans criticised? I’ll tell you why. Sexism.
After every football match, the fans go out onto the streets and riot. You didn’t see Directioners taking to the streets when Zayn left 1D or bottling people with glass after Jin was enlisted into the army (#FreeupJin).
If you’re unfamiliar with the word stan, it means an overzealous or obsessive fan of a particular celebrity. No different to having a favourite footballer. If we’re making comparisons, having a favourite footballer = having a bias and collecting football cards/match-attacks is the same thing as collecting K-pop photo cards.
Stan Twitter is 99% harmless (except for the girlies writing fanfics, please seek psychological help besties). The 1% that are harmful grew up in an age where bullying wasn’t a thing and think it’s socially acceptable to form the nastiest and weirdest parasocial relationships with an individual that doesn’t even know they exist.
That is why I am spearheading a new campaign called #BringBackbullying2023.
Some form of ‘stanning’ has always existed. I’m sure Shakespeare had stans waiting outside the globe theatre for him to sign their corsets. And Cleopatra probably had a legion of stans who would eagerly wait for her to drop an eyeliner tutorial.
My teens were spent reading Wattpad books and scrolling through Twitter.
But stan Twitter is not what it used to be. The deranged girlies all grew up and became deranged adults. Our future doctors and lawyers.
How do I explain to people that I get my daily dose of political and entertainment news from @Popcrave and @Popbase? More trusted than the BBC and the stans in the replies have a certain je ne sais quoi.
Important historical news is always being broken by Popcrave. Like when a friend of mine found out about Queen Lizzie dying, not from the BBC but the @popbase Twitter page that usually updates stans on chart positions and scandals.
Speaking of Wattpad, why as an adult, does it take me ONE WEEK to read a chapter of a book but at 13 I could read a 400-chapter book in one night? Ugh, I used to be so cultured.
Me nominating my favourite 15-year-old Wattpad writers for a Pulitzer:
Anyways back to the topic of stan Twitter
I’ve seen it all.
Stans and stan Twitter have a bad rap. Granted, some stans are crazy and have created delusions and dangerous parasocial relationships with their faves.
Exhibit A: One direction stans having a meltdown after they found out Zayn and Louis smoke. If you were one of these girlies, please touch some grass xx
Exhibit B: Potential insurance claimant who fumbled the bag
I’m sorry but she fumbled the biggest bag. If multi-millionaire Justin Bieber hit me with a car?!!
If multi-millionaire Justin Bieber hit me with a car?!! Gurllll I am dropping to the fall and not moving. The money would have gone towards my Beyonce tickets.
Nonetheless, it remains a harmless subsection of Twitter that deserves a better rep.
So I have done a deep dive into stan Twitter and culture to bring to you, my beloved readers, my top moments on stan Twitter.
Women in STEM
Stan Twitter is basically a talent pool. The finest minds are all in one place. Future cyber terrorists or CIA agents. After god, fear stans. Directioners hacked into an airport’s security system to see what 1D were getting up to. Stan Twitter really cultivated the finest minds
I’m pretty sure stans broke a few federal laws getting these images
I could not talk about women in STEM without mentioning the Steve Jobs of stan Twitter Ms Dorothy. Dorothy did not let her mother stop her from updating us. She had her phone confiscated by her parents, so switched to her DS. When that was no longer an option she turned to her FRIDGE. When that also failed it was the family WiiU. THE FUTURE IS FEMALE.
Graphic designers
Now the erasure of Jesy Nelson by Little Mix stans is the funniest and most impressive thing I’ve ever seen. If you ask Mixers, Little Mix only ever had three members.
They have gone as far as editing Jesy Nelson out of pictures and music videos. it’s sad that Jesy Nelson’s legacy has been reduced to asking if ‘JINGLE BELL BALL IS READY 😛”.
Make it stand out
Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
Championing the rights of the people
The time Mariah Carey stans simultaneously celebrated her status as a “skinny legend” and shut up a Bl*e Lives Matter supporter.
BTS helped to derail Donald Trump’s election campaign.
They hijacked the MAGA hashtag and Wh*te lives matter hashtags with fan cams and edits of their faves.
ARMY really did THAT.
Trouble with law enforcement
The FBI was forced to investigate a terror threat made by a Demi stan in 2014 after she threatened to bl*w up a plane. Say it with me “DIGITAL FOOTPRINT”.
Update accounts are an essential feat of stan Twitter. Running a Taylor swift update account by day and standing up to a militia group by night. We have to stan. This person really said ‘Back to my regular scheduling’.
One thing about update accounts is that nothing will stop them. As we saw earlier even a little jail time couldn’t stop a Taylor Update account. Well, even a KIDNAPPING did not stop one stan from updating the world on all things 5SOS.
Attempted Patricide
The time a swiftie tried to unalive there father for being anti-Taylor.
Sometimes the entertainment is provided by the celebs themselves.
Twitter used to be fun when celebs used to run their own accounts. Now it’s just underpaid interns being kept in basements controlling accounts.
Demi Lovato
Demi Lovato was so entertaining.
Some of my favourite moments:
1) Revealing their African ancestry. Ok, D’metria I see you!
2) Threating to put an Airline on “BLAST”, just a casual t*rror threat
3) After the storming of the Capitol on January 6th 2020, Demi tweeted that they were going to record new music in response to the attack.
Demi on her way to single-handedly restore democracy.
Rihanna
Before Rihanna became an Avon lady selling skincare and makeup, she used to sing. She was also known for beefing with everyone and their mother on Twitter.
She pulled out the receipts when TLC tried it with her. In an interview, the girl group slammed Rih for her revealing outfits. What did Rihanna do? Changed her Twitter banner to a picture of TLC posing topless.
Most people know Ciara as the woman who has it all. She has people begging her for the prayers she must have recited to go from dating the King of Toxicity, Future, to marrying the “perfect husband”, NFL player Russel Wilson. Before her picture perfect life, she was the victim of the most SAVAGE drag ever.
There are two people I would never think about crossing out of fear for my safety. Azealia Banks and Nicki Minaj. I’m not going to speak on Nicki since I value my life.
Say one bad thing about Nicki Minaj and the Barbz will dox you and ruin your life. Find your address and place of work. The Barbz could have found bin laden before Seal Team 6. Her fans are overzealous, to say the least. BUT I LOVE NICKI SO PLEASE DO NOT COME AFTER ME.
So onto Ms Azelia Banks. One thing about Azelia is that she will drag you so hard that your ancestors and descendants are going to feel it. Say “Azelia Banks” three times in a mirror and she’ll appear.
The Azelia Banks vs Lana del Rey beef should be added to the school curriculum.
Stan Twitter was for the people by the people.
Some people take it too far. I personally think that the only way we can stop it is for you to support my campaign #Bringbackbullying2023 We need to restore the concept of shame that so many on the internet lack xx
